I must say that when you listen to the right kind of music, have lots of sugar and Caffeine you can feel better then you did before.  But, the one thing that most of us forget is that we aren’t alone.  Not all of our thoughts are really ours.  

I was starting to make big plans for the camps I’m going to start, to help teenages, children, and young adults through SI and Drugs and bring them closer to God, then I started to doubt that I could help anyone…  How can I help others when I can’t even look at myself in the mirror and not feel worthless?  I let it get me down.  I let these thoughts over power me to the point of hating myself with such passion that I wouldn’t blame anyone for saying hurtful things, I may even agree with what they have to say.

I started to fall into the darkness and sadness that I had fought to escape so hard only a year ago.  And what’s really awful is that I thought I was fighting alone.  But I’m not alone.  All I can think of now is the song by BarlowGirl, One More Round:

Round one wasn’t what I thought it’d be
Round two I’m struggling to breath
3, 4, 5, 6, 7 times I wonder why I
stepped inside this ring

I may be knocked down and so  (Hurt) (*None triggering words instead of the real words) 
But I’m here to tell you
I may be knocked down
but not for the count
1,2,3,4
So take me one more round
I’ll just keep fighting
One more round
You’re messing me up but I’m still here

One more round I’ll come out swinging
One more round I’m telling you
now i’m not gunna lose it here

It so hard to get up off the floor again
But I now that victory is when
I’m pushing through the pain
that tries to feed me lies
that I wont reach the end

I may be (Hurt) (*None triggering words instead of the real words) 
But I’m here to tell you
I may be knocked down
but not for the count
1,2,3,4
So take me one more round
ill just keep fighting
one more round
You’re messing me up but I’m still here
One more round
I’ll come out swinging
One more round
I’m telling you now I’m not gonna lose it

I am not defeated
Though you cannot see it
I have never won a battle on my own
I find strength in weakness
I find hope in believing
God is for me who can bring me down?
So take me one more round
I’ll just keep fighting

One more round
You’re messing me up but I’m still here
One more round
I’ll come out swinging one more round
I’m telling you now I’m not
gunna lose it here

It’s so true!  And I feel more empowered by just hearing this words, and understanding that it’s true.  I’ve bought a book about God and how he’s always with us.  The book is called “You’re not Alone, seeing your struggles through the Eyes of God” by Shirley Perich.  (If you feel alone, or like you’re losing God in your day to day life, I really recommend this book.)  The book has really opened my eyes to many of the things I was having problems with.

I’m not as confident as I’ve acted.  I don’t like what I’ve done, and what I’ve wanted to do…  But I’ve asked God to forgive me for those things and I know he has.  It’s the enemy who doesn’t forgive and forget, it’s the enemy who reminds us that we were weak and gave in.  But all you have to do, when you’re under attack is just stop whatever you are doing and ask God to help you.  And he will. 

Want to know something else that’s pretty cool?  God is love, and He loves everyone.  And even though we all sin and have sinned, he forgives us and loves us.

I just wanted to share with you all how I’m doing better and that I know you can too.  When you know how the enemy fights, and that the best way to fight back is only won we you have God on your side.