hey everyone. i dont know much about this website. but i kind of need help.
i am almost 15 and just about to start high school. i started self injuring last summer. im not sure why exactly.
untill i was 8 i lived with my mom brother and dad. my dad is an abusive alcoholic. and when i was 10 my parents divorced. i always had a ton of friends, but i was made fun of because of my weight and pimples by even more people. when i started middle school the bullying got worse. but i met my two best friends, julia and ally. in 7th grade i met this amazing guy and we started going out. we have now been together for a year and three months and i love him more each day.

at the end of 7th grade ally moved to a different state, i was devistated. shes like my sister. about a month later is when i started to self injur. i had many friends, a great boy friend. but i was so depressed. and i dont know why. i never understood why i started to self injur. but it was such a relief. for some reason. and i continued for sevral months.

later in the year my mom came in with me to the dressing room to try on a new shirt for my band concert. she saw my injuries, she was all freaked. i told her it was from the cats. she went on and on how we should get rid of them if they hurt me so bad. i was so confused and didnt know what to do. that night i told her i self injured. i started seeing a councler, didnt help at alll!!! 

its now august and last week i saw my dad for the first time in almost a year. it was terrible. i si. i feel horrible. tomorrow is going to be my second week of marching band camp. on friday i told my boy friend at camp what i did and what happened with my dad. he was sad and wanted to help, that made me feel worse.

i was afraid to tell him anything because last year his mom found out. the school counciler and 8th grade assistent princaple had to tell her because his grades dropped, apparentlly because he was so distracted by me. i felt awful, and still do, so i promised myself i wouldnt tell him anything about it anymore. and my friend ally came to visit in may. she saw my scars and that made me realize i needed to stop, and i did for three months. but now im back to wanting to all the time. its all i think about. and its scarry. im starting school in about  a week.

last year the entire eighth grade knew that i si. and im not exadersting. i bet 100$ a person that they know. it was terrible having over 500 students talking behind your backs about soething so terrible, scarry, and confusing. but they found it funny and just loved calling me emo and stuff like that.

im afraid to start school because if some kids from last year spred a rumor or new friends see my scars. i dont want to deal with that again. i dont want to have to explain myself to new friends. i want it to go away. i wont to stop hurting my boyfriend.        but i want to keep hurting my self…….


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