I don’t need to SI but i want too.
It’s like, a friend I haven’t visited in awhile, and it’s like i can hear the tools saying “come see us.” But i know it’s wrong.
I’m a recovering SI of four years.
and i love seeing how far i’ve came, but i want to go back all at the same time.
But my boyfriend sees my body all the time, and well he checks and if he ever saw a new one, then our relationship would be OVER.
ugh, life is so complicated.
First of all I don’t think it’s fair that your boyfriend said it’s over if he sees a new mark on your body. It sounds like he really doesn’t understand what your struggle is not only everyday of the week, but minute by minute. It’s true that all of us want to go back after seeing just how far we’ve come, but is it worth the downward spiral that goes along with guilt of going back. I know what the struggles are and I have gone back and believe me it really isn’t worth it. My advise would be dont’ do it and keep in mind of how far you have come and continue that trend. I’m proud that you recognize all that you have so keep up the good work.
It’s all part of recovering. You seem to have a lot of willpower, though. Use it. Channel that energy into something else. Anytime you feel the urge, go be around people that love you. it helps.
love,
b
I don’t think it was good that your boyfriend said that either. When someone I know is S.I.ing I want to help them stop. I don’t want to get mad at them for what happened. And S.I. doesn’t make you a bad person. But I am glad that you stopped. 🙂 I think you’ve come really far already and I think you should keep striving for that goal of final serenity. I just recently got over S.I. and I too believe that it isn’t worth the lying to friends and the scars and everything. I have also looked to my friends. They help me so much. 🙂
I will pray for your situation and I hope all the best for you.
Love,
A