how you can feel like at one point in your life things are going along great, perfect almost, and then just a few months later you honestly want to die. i feel like i have no one that can understand me. my bestfriend and i used to get along great, and then all of a sudden things just stopped clicking. lately shes been bashing on me pretty hard, insulting me every chance she gets. i dont know what to do. i used to love being her friend, but lately everytime we hang out, when she leaves i feel relieved that shes gone and hurt about all the mean things that she said.

its like everytime i get close to someone, something has to go and ruin it. i feel like i wont ever have anyone that can understand me. most of all, im just afraid of being along. i need something to fill up the emptiness inside of me. its like im walking around, either over flowing with emotion, or completely numb like im not real.

i can never be content. all i want is for peace. but i have no idea how to achieve that. SI is the only thing that has been consistant in my life, the friend that never wallked out on me. ive always been able to depend on it, and im terrified to let it go. more than anything, im afraid to stop covering up my problems, look beneath my scars, and find out who i really am.