Why cant my friends see the way i really feel?! it is plain as day. i mean i text them about how i feel lonely or worthless or depressed, and they reply that im not worthless, i shouldnt be lonely, that ill eventually be happy and okay, and i shouldnt feel that way. that everyone has a purpose in life. that i just need to relax and calm down. that there are people with worse lives.

why cant they see im falling apart???  why cant they see that behind the girl that smiles is a girl that is shattered on the inside?  why cant they see that i feel like there is no point in living?  why cant they see the me that is shattered and broken and cant be put back together again?  i feel like humpty dumpty. all the kings horses and all the kings men, they cant put me back together again.

i thought they were my friends. they should realize that their words are easy to say, but hard to do. they should realize [even after i have told them] that i have thought time and time again that i should just end it. they should realize im not the same person they met in kindergarten or Jr. high, or high school.

they should realize that i just want to curl up in a ball and die, and even though they might make me smile for a while, i will eventually want to fade away into oblivion again.

~katey~