i finally was happy. i really, truly was happy. but for some reason, the past has come back to haunt me. i still can’t let go of him. two nights in a row i’ve cried about him. i haven’t cried since december (that last time i SIed), and now i’m crying over someone who’s not even part of my life anymore. how can that be?

all those smiles, all those hugs, they were all a lie. so how come i still think of him? i know he doesn’t care. but i wish he would. i know he thinks i’m just a stupid, little, gullible girl that fell for his tricks. but i want him to think about me the way i think about him.

i know the reason for all of this is because i never got any closure and i never will. so does that mean i’ll always be this way? will i ever be able to let go of him? they say you’ll always remember your first love. well, i don’t know if it was love, but i do know that i’ll still remember him forever. even though he hurt me and broke my trust in people, i’ll always remember him.