I started injuring in 7th grade. I don’t know why but I just decided to start hating myself. I’d never had any friends and wasn’t really making any. There was a guy I liked and he didn’t like me. I’ve always been very fragile and sensitive and cried a lot. That’s just me, but it got extreme. I learned about SI on The Real World San Diego when a character Frankie did it. I don’t know how I got the idea that it was okay. One day I injured. I can barely remember why but I kept doing it. I asked multiple times about it by everyone, but I just dismissed it and so did they. I never really got help and cured myself but went through another horrifying year of middle school. I didn’t SI that whole year but I suffered feelings of doubt and I still hated myself. That summer I just decided I was going to be happy all by myself and I became the most happy, positive girl I’d ever been. I proceeded to go through the remainder of my high school years without SI.
But my happiness faded and faded and I still didn’t like myself. Finally senior year came. I experienced more drama than I ever had involving I guy I really like who I thought liked me. It’s more than I’d like to get into. And then my first and only choice of college rejected me after sooo much hard work and stress. So I was experiencing rejection left and right. Finally I turned to a friend for help and he just ignored me after I’d burst into waterfalls of tears about that guy I’d liked. Then he drove me home. When I got into the house I realized that no one would ever want me, not even my supposed friends. I went into the bathroom and injured. I was crying my eyes out.
Finally another wave of drama occurred and I went through more sleepless nights. But one day I just decided I didn’t need this and I just decided I was gonna be happy, for real this time. I left all the toxic people I’d known behind and decided to love myself, to tell myself I was beautiful, and I’m more optimistic than ever. I didn’t get help from anyone except myself and I never told anyone. I’m still going strong and I can’t wait to start a successful future. I think it will be easier now that I’m not surrounded by an extremely difficult high school environment. I still look back at what I did to myself and it’s like I saw it in a movie. Then I look at my scars and remember it. I see then as marks of the past and they’re a reminder that I need to leave that behind. I’m gonna excel forward no matter what I do and I know now that no matter what happens, I can always get through it on my own. I will never let myself get the urge to SI again. I think it came from the extreme loneliness I felt and it was the idea that I didn’t truly need anyone but myself that pulled me out. Please please find someone who can help you. Life is not worth living if you can’t see good in everything. Then flowers start to smell sweeter and the once dull and gloomy rain starts to play a fantastic song.