I’ve recently fell back into my old habits of SI. I’ve opened up to a few of my closest friends, but it seems like every time I try to talk to them, and tell them how I feel, they’re disappointed in me. Some of them have come out and told me that I disappoint them every time I SI. Others have told me that every time I do, they’ll do it to themselves 100x worse. I feel like I’m not only ruining my life, but everyone who cares about me. I want to stop, but I don’t know how I can. I’ve stopped before, but now that I’ve fallen back in, I’m not sure if I can get out again.
My friends, they look at me differently now, the ones who know. I see it in their eyes that every time they look at me, they feel pain. I know I’m hurting them and I don’t want to. Sometimes I wish I’d never met them, so I could just end it and nobody would miss me. But I could never do that to them now.
I feel trapped.
dear broken,
i SI for 2 yrs,somewhere within that period,i stopped..i convinced myself i was fine…i lied…i began doing it again.when i started back,i got a lot of headaches,felt weak and dizzy…until a day at school i passed out…all i remember was waking up in my classroom,everywhere black at first..that day at the doctor i found out i was now anemic…..scary i know..i was so pale….so i decided to try and stop….but it wasn’t enough,i ended up back at the doctor’s office for another injection within six months of my first visit….that was when i finally woke up because i began thinking that maybe when i have a child,he/she can be affected by my mistakes…so please,its hard yes, but think..think about a lot of things and you’ll see how much your friends love you…maybe its your time to move on from SI….keep strong <3