I feel panicked. I really want to make it through the night without hurting myself but the weight of it is on me like it’s making me have to do it. I don’t want to. I’m bringing myself back the present again and again but can only stay for a few seconds at a time. I know why I’m upset, kind of. Tonight at therapy it was a little intense but there was more than one topic and I don’t know which one got to me. I don’t want my life to be like this. It is. I need to accept this. But it was getting so much better. I was at this place over and over for months and it’s been so much easier for a while and I forgot how hard it can be. And I forget that it can go back to being pretty bad even after it’s been better almost at the drop of a hat. Wow. I feel like I’m slipping off the edge of a cliff and holding on with my knuckles but the ground I’m holding onto is crumbling away and I see that I won’t be able to hold on much longer.