I’ve never done this sort of thing before. I’ve never really been a “blogger”, and I am certainly not open about my “bad thoughts.” That’s what I’ve called them ever since I was 13. It’s too embarrassing to use the words “self-injury” or “suicidal thoughts”. I can’t even use those words when addressing myself.
I was diagnosed with OCD, generalized anxiety disorder, and depression at age 10. I had my first and only attempt at 14, and started to injure at 16. I am 20 now. My last self injury was almost 4 months ago.
I think about it daily though. For a couple of weeks now. The thoughts grow more frequent all the time. Lately, they have developed into something worse….Not just thoughts of injuring, but suicidal thoughts as well.
Everything is too much. I don’t know how to deal. All work, and no money. Family issues. The usual…it all seems exponential….HELP!
First off being able to admit that you have a problem or that your struggling by saying words like ”self-injury” and ”suicidal” will help alot. I know you think it may not but it really does. First start off by writting it..then maybe typing it…get use to it..then say it. I still cant say it (and i have been working on it for a while). I know you dont want to admit to it because then it would mean that its ‘true’ in a sense (i hope this is making sense) I understand where you are coming from– I am struggling with this [both S.I and suicidal thoughts].
My suggestion to you is to find a *stable* friend, family member —some one you can fully trust; tell them what you are stuggling with. I have one counsin that I go to for support, you could say she is my accountabilty partner–she keeps me in check. I tell her when I lapse, having a hard time etc.
Also being honest with your doctor helps alot!
I have never gone that long without turning to S.I. so I would like to congrad you on that accomplishment!!! (bc it is one)
A really good distraction that I started was– I bought a book about self-injury– and everytime i wanted to S.I.. I would go through each page and ‘black out’ with a sharpie words like ‘sef-injury’– self- mutilation– anything I didnt like…it kept me busy and eventually I felt like I accomlished something.
You are doing okay. Trust me, the thoughts have on some occasions literally suffocated me. I’ve made two suicide attempts in my entire life, and I’m 15. Our struggles are never permanent though, we must all know that. Because we can get through them, and we are all strong to some degree, no matter what we tell ourselves or what others tell us. And it’s always going to be that way.