Hi everyone. I’m new to this site, this is my first post ever on any blog site actually. I guess I decided to do this, because I am completely lost and do not know what to do. I have been siing on and off for 8 yrs. Recently I lost my job for the second time this year (09). In turn this has caused me to feel absolutely worthless and not good enough for…well anything. I have an amazing boyfriend who I really love, but I feel I do not deserve him. I sied for the first time in over a month 2 nights ago and I would’ve today if it wasn’t for the fact that I have no tools (a good thing I guess). The urges are uncontrollable and I have no idea what to do. I have had therapists in the past, but none of them help. I guess I just don’t see how they can help me, when they have no idea what it’s like. I’ve tried to do other things to get my mind off of it, but nothing seems to work. It just seems like everytime I feel my life is in order and I could actually be happy for more than just a day or two something goes wrong. Sometimes I feel like I do it to myself, because I can’t stand to be happy, like I’ve been depressed for so long that it seems abnormal to not be. So, all that has lead me here. I guess I am just looking for support and help from people that I know can understand what it’s like.
I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. Just know that this is the right place for you, because we can help you get through this. Si’ing can be painful, and it’s hard to get past. We know what it’s like on here, which makes it a lot easier to talk about, in my opinion.
It’s hard when everything is going wrong to not put yourself down… but try to remind yourself that you’re better than that. Life isn’t fair, but you can’t change that, can you? Just remember that your amazing boyfriend is with you for a reason; he probably thinks you’re amazing, too. When you start feeling down, think all of the good things about you: what are you good at? what have you accomplished? That helps me sometimes.
SI’ing… I wish I could tell you that you can just stop and it’ll be fine, but… I haven’t gotten there yet either. Just remember that you are stronger than you realize. And, of course, this site is here for you, because you are not alone 🙂
*emily
(PS: If you need someone to talk to or anything, you can email me at energetic_em1@yahoo.com )
Hi! I am also new to this site. I posted for the first time today and have never blogged before either. I feel like maybe we can help each other through this. I feel similar feelings as you.
As I said in my blog, I just started SI’ing 3 months ago. I’m freakin’ 44 years old and one day I was just sitting there and it happened. I was immediately addicted. Now, the fight is on. I gave in today…and I have no idea why…nothing happened to trigger me and I just can’t figure it all out. Since I started, I’ve read a lot about it and it all make sense. I see a psychiatrist and psychologist. They suggested exercise and something that interest me…in my case it is painting and poetry (mostly dark -just for my eyes only). It helps a lot of times.
I like you had a wonderful boyfriend. I broke up with him in April b/c I felt like he could do better then me. Biggest mistake of my life. So, I can relate to your self doubting yourself. It’s almost as things are going well, I do what I can to mess it all up. And, then of course fall into deep depression after realizing way too late the mistake I made. The one thing I can tell you is don’t let him go and as hard as it may be; try not to push him away. You need that support. He sounds wonderful and you may feel like you don’t deserve it, but girl…you most certainly do! Odd how our brains make us believe about ourselves; and it’s so not true. Very tricky.
I think what aggrevates me the most is my family…they think I can “control” it. You know…the mind over matter kind of thing. I’ve printed out several articles…tried to explain what it does for me and they just think I’ve completely lost it. The people I want to understand the most, aren’t really trying to get it. In fact, I moved in with my dad after my last attempt in August of 08, told me if he saw anymore SI’ing he would kick me out of his house knowing I have nowhere else to go. You know, I kind of get it, but have my moments when I don’t, so I can’t really blame an old man not getting it AT ALL. He is 72 and you know…back through his days it wasn’t talked about.
I think just talking to someone who experiences our same feelings will maybe help us get through and maybe eventually past all this.
If you wanna chat sometime, I’m on yahoo njmitch101@yahoo.com. Contact me anytime you need to talk or just vent.
Nan