Hi everyone. I’m new to this site, this is my first post ever on any blog site actually. I guess I decided to do this, because I am completely lost and do not know what to do. I have been siing on and off for 8 yrs. Recently I lost my job for the second time this year (09). In turn this has caused me to feel absolutely worthless and not good enough for…well anything. I have an amazing boyfriend who I really love, but I feel I do not deserve him. I sied for the first time in over a month 2 nights ago and I would’ve today if it wasn’t for the fact that I have no tools (a good thing I guess). The urges are uncontrollable and I have no idea what to do. I have had therapists in the past, but none of them help. I guess I just don’t see how they can help me, when they have no idea what it’s like. I’ve tried to do other things to get my mind off of it, but nothing seems to work.  It just seems like everytime I feel my life is in order and I could actually be happy for more than just a day or two something goes wrong. Sometimes I feel like I do it to myself, because I can’t stand to be happy, like I’ve been depressed for so long that it seems abnormal to not be. So, all that has lead me here. I guess I am just looking for support and help from people that I know can understand what it’s like.