i’ve been so good for the longest time, my si has been to a minimum. the distractions were working, but not anymore.

and then i found out my supposed “best friends” have been doing stuff and diliberately leaving me out

and i’ve pretty much figured out that i don’t fit in anywhere.

so i just si’d again for the first real time since school let out. it was so good to be able to not worry about my scars showing, and now thats gone.

i just don’t know how to deal anymore.

i’ve been thinking a lot lately about killing myself, and i wish this would all stop.

i wish id stop being in pain every waking moment of everyday

the emotional pain i feel has been making me physically sick, and its starting to show, people are starting to notice.

theres like no one i can talk to anymore, cause everyone else has their own stuff to deal with,, i don’t want to burden them with mine.

i came so close to telling my campus minister, to asking her for help but i chickened out about three times.

i want this to end and to have more control over myself but i’m afraid that im slowly losing what little control i have. had.