ive been writing here for a couple of weeks now and i decided to share my story. its kinda long. I started SI about 2 and a half years ago. It wasnt bad at first. i only did it every now and then. but it slowly got out of control. after four months i knew i couldnt stop.I was scared to death. but it would be almost a year before i got any help. My bestfriend jordan had started telling me about how she SIed and was on drugs. I tried every thing i could to stop her. After some bad stuff in my family went down on christmas eve i couldnt take it anymore. I knew it was hippocritical but what jordan didnt know wouldnt hurt her. But the bad just kept coming. I knew i couldnt tell any one. I hid it from everyone arond me. i had to. By March i was hooked. That spring jordan moved. i was in ruins. I felt utterly alone and at the time. my home life wasnt that great either, to say the least. Everything i did was automatic untill i was alone, then id SI. It was bad. Then I started hanging out with new people, my mom got a new job, and my sister started treating me like an actual person instead of incompotant dirt. Things were finally getting better, jordan was even moving back. I stopped SIing for a while. Id stay about two months. Me and jordan were closer than ever and school was starting up again. Then i met taylor. This was the best thing that couldve ever happened to me. I became pretty close with her. So did jordan. then my family life got bad again. Really bad and i started Si again. Then jordan found out i was SIing. She was livid to say the least. I got yelled at for hours that not, but apart from the hippocriticalness of it, the strange part was that it wasnt about SI. It was about not telling her… at first. Then about not not trusting her anymore, then about being too close to taylor and leaving her. which FYI id never even talked to her outside of school. it was wierd. But heart crushing all the same. and at the time i didnt see the strangeness of it. just that id hurt her. Anyway i didnt stop. She thought i did though. Anyway this is getting long so ill post this and write a continuation later. Thanks for reading

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