Well, I decided that maybe it’s time for me to come back. My last entry was back in January, unfortunately I forgot my password for my old account and my old email no longer exists. I started SIing around sixth grade. At first it was just a way to escape all the arguing between me and my mom. One of my brothers was being sent to Iraq and the other one was headed to prison for twelve years. Everything seemed to be falling to pieces and I felt powerless. There was no way I was able to stop the things happening around me so I turned to SI. It was an attempt to gain some control over my life but now its taken over. I stopped blogging back in January because I thought it was over for me. I was having trouble in school, at home and with friends. I gave up hope. Things did end up getting somewhat better but not much. Around March I completely lost myself. I started falling into this ditch I had been digging for years. See, I sorta have a problem opening up to others and asking for help. I was a wreck but no matter how much I wanted to pick myself up I was stuck. I knew I had fallen, but I didn’t know how to get back up. I eventually turned to a friend who was there for me night and day. I have gotten better but I still have those days where I can’t see myself living for another day. I still have those moments in which I burst into tears wishing that all the pain would go away. I still catch myself thinking about how much I have changed and hating this person I have become. And I still continue to SI. So I’ve come back because I still need help and I don’t know where else to turn. So please if you have any advice comment.
_Marina
I know exactly what you mean. that friend thats there night and day, lean on her with all your wieght. tell them everything you feel. i used to and it felt so good. it was hard for me to get used to because i was used to not telling any one anything but when she found out about my issuses we talked for hours. it felt amazing to talk, like a wieght was lifted off my chest. try it. just fall apart to your friend. she can take it, and if your alone and feel like your gonna si call her. let her help you
hi. i know what you mean. i dont have brothers or sisters but i started SI-ing after i got in a HUGE fight with my parents. i also have a problem opening up to people i dont know. i have fallen more times then i can count, but i always seem to be able to pick up the pieces and continue my life. i have deffinetly had those days where you just burst into tears for no reason [not even cause of pms] and i have had those days where you feel like nothing is worth living for. i, personally, hate the person that i have become. my parents recently found out about me SI-ing and most days since then i have been depressed. i also continue to SI even now that my parents know. point is, we all have those days where we feel like curling into a ball and evaporating into thin air. we all have days where we feel like no one will miss us if we are gone; but somewhere deep down we all know that at least one person would miss us or be affected by our absence. so just hang in there, everything will [eventually] turn out okay. <3