I really wanna SI today…i just got through telling my mom i rescheduled my dentist appt. for a couple weeks from now instead of in about 15 mins…i hate the dentist, but that’s not why i change the appt. I just don’t feel like going this morning.  My mom called to make sure I was awake, as per usual, and I told her I rescheduled it…should’ve lied and said I went even if I didn’t and she’d figure it out sooner or later…now she’s really pissed at me.  I wanna SI because I feel like I need to punish myself and this is just one more way that she is controlling my life.  I’m 22 gosh darnit!  I can set my own appt and I can change it if I want to, and I shouldn’t be yelled at for it!  Sorry, but I”m probly gonna SI today…cuz she’ll be mad at me all day, and I already feel guilty. 🙁

She asked me when I’m going to see the new T…in “mom code” that means that she thinks I changed the appt because I’m depressed, or I’m being defiant because I’m depressed and need to see a T.  I didn’t change it because I’m depressed, (even though I am) I changed it because I was tired and didn’t want to go this morning…don’t I have the right to make my own decisions!? ugh!

L