In the past year, I have been to hell and back struggling with SI as well as with other addictions. It is interesting for me to look back on my last entry on the SAFE Alternatives blog, dated June 30th of last year, if anyone is interested. SI was just beginning to be a huge problem; I was SIing in public places with tools I found on the ground. Just as commenter Cassandra warned me, SI got out of control when I went to college. I did not fully stop hurting myself until January of 2009.
My problem now is that I miss it terribly. I feel sad that SI has lost its power over me because I remember how much it helped in the moment. Then I look at my scars and want to injure…this is really difficult and I would love some support. Thank you.
I understand what you are saying. I recently was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes. Suddenly I had to stop eating my favorite foods like ice-cream, cookies, twinkies — you know, the GOOD stuff! But I had to to stay healthy. But I miss it terribly and still it eat from time to time. I think in the same way SI has provide for me the same comfort that the ice-cream and goodies do. I felt better for a little while after I SIed. I also felt good after I ate ice-cream too. But neither of them were good for me. Because I’ve been working on eliminating both behaviors — it has been VERY hard to cope with my life. But therapist has been working with me to try more healthy ways to cope. That’s what I suggest if you haven’t already find out what gives you that immediate comfort you’re looking for when you SI in another way. But it has to be your own plan. I admit it’s still hard to not SI (or eat the ice-cream) but the more I practice it, my episodes are fewer than they used to be.
Anyway, good luck in your quest to find answers and some peace inside.
Take Care….always!
I see where you come from…that’s a really tough place to be in. The thing my therapist told me, is that when we’re so used to hurt and sadness, once we stop being so hurt and sad and hurting ourselves, its like we miss it in a way. But we have to know in our hearts and our minds that it’s not healthy to miss that sort of stuff, because it cannot and never will help us in our lives. Congratulations on being sober for 7 months <3
<3, rescue