Hi. I’m back. Most of you probably don’t remember, but I’m the one who said she was giving up. I was so close too. I want it all to end. All of this pain, SIng is still a relief, just not as good as it used to be.
I can’t honestly say I’ve been trying to stop, because I haven’t. I have no one left to encourage me. I’ve lost all of my friends, and now one of the few friends I have left makes SI jokes all the time and I can’t even get mad because she doesn’t know.
I’m in a bottomless pit of pain. I hate the thought of facing sophomore year. I know I’ll be ruined if I don’t get a class with my friend, Miley. She’s pretty much the only person I can talk to in the highschool.
But I’ve decided I want more than to end my life. I want to live. I want to be here to see tomorrow. I want to graduate from high school and then college. I want to get married and have children. I want a future. And I’m hoping it’ll be more than this.
I guess what I could really use is some encouragement. I am in a high school with thirteen hundred kids. about three hundred in my grade and out of all of that I know four or five people.
I’m scared. I’m scared to go back and be left out. I can’t seem to talk when I’m around everyone else. I hate it.
But I’m going to put up with it.
For who, I don’t know. I know my family loves me, but I can’t help but think what my parents actually think of me. They must know how pathetic I really am. They must not be happy to be paying for my counseling. They must be ashamed.
My friends have all abadonned me, so that shows how much they cared. I have no one left to live for.
I want to say I can live for God, but I feel like even he has turned his back on me. Not that I have any right at all to blame him, but still, it hurts.
I just know I want more. I know I want a future. I know I dont want to stop living, breathing.
I want to stop SIng. I’m going to try so hard. That’s why I need encouragement.
Thank you…
Hi,
I just wanted to say that even though it may feel that way, God will never turn his back on you. Even when I try to turn my back on Him, He has shown me that He is still there, waiting for me to turn back and listen to what He has to say and follow the plans He has laid out for my life. Even though I don’t know what they are and will never know until after I get there, He will always know because He is the one in control…I have felt sometimes that He has somehow abandoned me, but I have learned that when I feel that way, that is when He is carrying me.
This is one of my favorite scriptures, and I want to you to remember it when you start high school again this year. I know it is scary and high school can be a very vulnerable place to be. Trust me, I know. I am now in College and still feel vulnerable and alone at times. And when I do, I think of this scripture: “The Lord your God will be with you wherever you go…” Joshua 1:9
If I’m having a bad day, I always have to think of that scripture and remember that I AM NEVER ALONE, AND NEITHER ARE YOU.
Hugs and love,
<3
L
Like you, I’m going into my sophomore year. I envy you, because you’re at an advantage. I wish I only knew five people in my grade. Everyone else is so hard to deal with, because
sorry my comment got interrupted. But as I was saying, the more people you know, the easier it is to be judged. And passing judgements aren’t fair. Beelieve me when I say this, that your parents don’t judge you. You aren’t pathetic. You’re their daughter. They love you, no matter what choices you make in life. They always have and always will. If they know you SI, you should go to them, tell them that you need to stop. Because right now, you’re in a vicious cycle and you have to break yourself out of there before you reach a point where you can’t even get back to a healthy life. It’s happened to people before, and I don’t want to see it happen to you. Another thing is, God never turns his back on us. He lvoes us always, and is always there for us. He has never left our hearts, although sometimes he does leave our minds. The more you believe in him, the more you’ll see him in your life. I promise, and trust me on that one, I’m a witness to it…let God in, believe, and you will be okay.