Hi. I’m back. Most of you probably don’t remember, but I’m the one who said she was giving up. I was so close too. I want it all to end. All of this pain, SIng is still a relief, just not as good as it used to be.
I can’t honestly say I’ve been trying to stop, because I haven’t. I have no one left to encourage me. I’ve lost all of my friends, and now one of the few friends I have left makes SI jokes all the time and I can’t even get mad because she doesn’t know.
I’m in a bottomless pit of pain. I hate the thought of facing sophomore year. I know I’ll be ruined if I don’t get a class with my friend, Miley. She’s pretty much the only person I can talk to in the highschool.
But I’ve decided I want more than to end my life. I want to live. I want to be here to see tomorrow. I want to graduate from high school and then college. I want to get married and have children. I want a future. And I’m hoping it’ll be more than this.
I guess what I could really use is some encouragement. I am in a high school with thirteen hundred kids. about three hundred in my grade and out of all of that I know four or five people.
I’m scared. I’m scared to go back and be left out. I can’t seem to talk when I’m around everyone else. I hate it.
But I’m going to put up with it.
For who, I don’t know. I know my family loves me, but I can’t help but think what my parents actually think of me. They must know how pathetic I really am. They must not be happy to be paying for my counseling. They must be ashamed.
My friends have all abadonned me, so that shows how much they cared. I have no one left to live for.
I want to say I can live for God, but I feel like even he has turned his back on me. Not that I have any right at all to blame him, but still, it hurts.
I just know I want more. I know I want a future. I know I dont want to stop living, breathing.
I want to stop SIng. I’m going to try so hard. That’s why I need encouragement.