From the age of 11 I knew withing myself that I was a bisexual. I wanted to tell my family but after the situation with my dad being gay my family thought it was a disease. I have been injuring to replace the knowing of me liking girls but it didn’t work, it doesn’t work. It would have been 6 months and 5 days free of SI but last night I made a mistake. I thought that I could just purposefully accidentally but of course it didn’t work that way.  I cried and felt ashamed of myself hated myself and I hated God for what happened and him leaving me. This morning I went jogging to try escape the pain. It was raining and I rested at a church and I actually talked to God this time in a long time. I told him I hated myself and hated him but he said don not hate me for it is your life. I was so ashamed of what I did and I stretched my hands to the ceiling of the church and cried. U felt alone more than ever but God was there – he never left.he told me to look inside myself and talk to him more. He told e that I was not alone and that I would never be alone. I realized that I took a few seconds of instant pleasure and release rather than being 6 months and 6 days free of self harming. So I say to you. Addiction is like killing your best friend – it is death. We know how it is to be born and we know death but our goal in between is to figure out the rest. We all have fear but fear does not define us. I am an addict and I am a bisexual and..( I never could of say this before) I am proud of who I am.

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches into the soul and sings the tune – without the words and never stops at all..

Thank you for just listening…