Before about March or April, i loved to think of myself as a very happy person. And I was. I never had any feelings of depression. Depression was a feeling that i knew nothing about and I had never experienced it until recently. For the most part, I don’t even understand why I’m depressed half the time. I had figured out though, that a lot of it does come from the depression of my friends, family, and others that I love. When one of my friends or a member of my family is not happy, it makes me extremely unhappy. I guess I am a people pleaser. It would be the best thing ever if I could just make everybody happy. I started injuring in April, and have had ups and downs with it along with my emotions. It has been almost 2 weeks since I last injured, and I am hoping to keep that record going as long as I can. The worst part about my depression is that I feel like should not be depressed at all. I live an awesome life, I have an amazing family, the most supportive and great friends a person can ever have, andoverall im very healthy and have a stable life. So what gives me the right to be depressed when everything is so good? My goal for myself is to find the true me again. The very happy person that felt alive. This is my first post because i just joined this helpline, and i was hoping to find some insight from other people who self abuse and find out a way to rescue myself. Please share your thoughts and stories with me. :]
I also have felt as though I shouldn’t be depressed because I have a good life. The truth is, anyone can be depressed no matter how great their life is, I have an amazing family, great friends, and attend a great school but it happened to me. What has helped me and might help you is figuring out what made me change from a happy person to one who SIs and is depressed, it might not even be obvious or something big but just knowing what makes you upset is important. My goal is not only to be the way I was before but to be even better and I think that could help you as well because if something about your life caused you to si then overcoming that will make you better then you were before. Just remember, you’re not alone and the best thing to do no matter what is to tell somebody about your problem so that you can get help.
hi there,
this is my first post as well…before this past sunday, i had never thought about SI so seriously,like i would actually do something…i woke up and felt so empty…i admitted myself (reluctantly) to a hospital in september b/c i was having a nervous breakdown…after seeing a girl there with scars on her arms, i have been having thoughts of SI on and off, but not as bad as lately.
I have it all. Really great family, good school, but i feel like i’m always an outside observer of it all like i never fit in…i should be soooo greatful for everything i have…i have had a kidney transplant and i am a cancer survivor…so i should be so happy that i’m healthy right now right?
i just dont want something else wrong with me! it would just kill my mom, and i cant stand to see her cry like that again. she is the only thing that keeps this family going, and if i tell her i’m having thoughts of SI, it will all fall apart…what do i do?…i know this doesnt help u much…but when you said that you should be happy b/c you have it all…i can TOTALLY relate.
L
I feel the same sometimes I don’t know why I’m depressed most of the time I have reason but sometimes I don’t. If been si for almost a year I’ve been able to stop a little and start the only thing that keeps me from injuring is using substances only one person knows I si I won’t tell my parents ifel like I deserve to suffer idk good luck getting better
In response to LoverlyLaurie,
My two closest friends also SI, and my two closest guy friends used to si, and from what i have learned and observed is to take others out of the picture. Your emotions are all you, and no one else. So when you are depressed and feel like you need to SI, try and remember that its about you. Don;t think about how your parents will feel or how your sister feels, think about how you feel and try to disect your emotions and find the source. Once you find the source of your depression, it is a lot easier to SIing and focus on your rescue.
In response to stevo,
I too abuse substances in order to be happy, and to be honest, i find that it works. With my lifestyle and what i do, i fond that it helps me keep my mind off of the things that make me sad, and in my opinion I think it’s good. In no way am i encouraging hard drugs, but i will be blatently honest, marijuana has helped.