It feels as if i’m making the same mistakes, over and over again. I can’t take this anymore. My mom always tells me “You’re always gonna be the same person you’ve always been, making the same mistakes, doing the same thing, over and over again. No matter where you go or what you do. There’s no helping you. I give up.” What kind of crap advice is that?
But you know what? I’m starting to believe she’s right. After moving from Arizona, where i lived for 14 years, to suddenly California, and i’m still up to the same old tricks… it’s pretty sad. She constantly points out the fact that we only had to move to “save” me. Because i needed saving..
I thought i was getting better. I really did. I hadn’t hurt myself for 7 months. But then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, quick as a flash, i’ve fallen back down to square one. Making the same mistakes.
It feels as if i’ve dug a pit, and everytime i manage to crawl out it it, something, someone or myself pushes me back in.. And everytime it gets deeper and deeper… I’m afraid that, one day, i’m going to get too comfortable in that forsaken, dirty, little pit.. and i’ll never be able to pull myself out…
it’s easy to fall, but it takes courage to crawl back up and try again. I just hope i can find that courage, that hope, faith and salvation soon. i hope that i will be able to crawl out of that pit and stop making these same mistakes. over and over again.