Wow. well, i’ve sat here and stared at this web site for at least an hour and a half. Sheer luck (or coincedence) that i found this site. And after deliberate thinking, and alot of reluctance, i’ve managed to click on the “register” button and sign up for this… What now?
I’m at a loss for words. Me? the girl who can sit and write for hours and never run out of things to say, is for once… speechless.. Guess i’m scared.
Not scared about what people would think of me. More like i’m scared what these blogs will reveal about myself. what i will see, hidden in between the lines of these words. i put so much of myself, of my voice, amnd of my heart into words like this. And i guess i’m also scared that this website might not be able to help me anyways. i can only hope and pray that it gets my mind off… other things.
I mean, sure, sometimes i harm myself, but does that really make me.. dysfunctional and abnormal? Does that mean i’m considered an unfit and unproductive member of society? what exactly does that mean?
I’ve tried to stop. And i succeeded, for about 7 months. But just like an other addiction, it keeps coming back. And it seems the more i try to push it away, the harder it works to wiggle itself back into my life, seemingly unnoticed but reluctant to leave.
Waht’s wrong with me? I know i’m not alone with this. i’ve read the facts. i’ve seen the statistics, i recognize and understand the fact that many, many people suffer from these feeelings (hence this website)… so why do i still feel, utterly, hopelessly, and pwerlessly alone? Vulnerable and weak. Moribund and scared?