What is the payoff for not self-injuring? It’s not like I get a medal for it, or praise…I can’t even tell anyone, and if I could they would not be impressed that I’m not doing what any reasonable person wouldn’t even want to. I don’t feel better, the stupid Parent recordings are still telling me what a piece of trash I am, and it doesn’t even keep me from bingeing on junk food and gaining weight I can’t afford to. And not doing it doesn’t make the urge go away, either, it gets stronger the longer I resist. I get so tired of fighting the same battle, and knowing there is no such thing as winning the war: it will just go on forever.