im not doing good at all.

i just went in the bathroom and self injured. you know how ive just started it up again for over two weeks now well, tonight it has gotten worse. but the scary thing is.. im started to love it again. ): im starting to go to SI for all my problems. i dont have the horrible lonely feeelings i have when im doing it. idkkk, i think im back in my depression for suree. and thats not a good thinggg. you know yesterday was a really sad but great day for mee because of what i did with me ex’s stufff. but todayy i was hanging out with the guy i likee.. and my other guy friend.. and they barely even looked at me once. so it kinda really sucked.. and just made my point even moree that people dont care about me. okayy so this guy i like is a grade below me, and hes amazingg.. he so much fun to be around and really knows how to make you laugh, and hes one that cares about everyonee! but he told me he doesnt like me todayy, and hes really sorry for it and feels bad.. but then he acts like he doesnt care for me one bit. i was tearing up a little bit today when i was hanging out with them. and they just continued to hang out, and i was like okayy? you knoww? it hurttt, really bad. cause i like this guy alott. and ever since my last boyfriend.. ive been getting blown off or used by every single guy i come across. and it realy sucks. ): i dont knoww.. everything goes greatt, then theres always something to bring me down.. and when that happens.. i SI. or at least.. ive been starting to do that again. i just feel so hurt and heart broken by everything thats been going on.. 

My heart has been hurt many timess.. and lets say.. cracked? in every spot possible.. but when my ex dumped me it broke in half. and shattered in so many pieces. and honestly i dont think its worth trying to fix it.. its to hurtt. and im done with getting hurtt.. ive been hurt to many times than freaking 15 yr old should get hurttt. and im about ready to give up and not try anymoree.. and by give up i do NOT mean end my life.. i mean by not trying to be happy anymoree.. and jsut continue with SI. itll always be there for me.. and never hurt mee. i can count on it. ):