Alright. So yesterday, on my birthday, something in my head just clicked. I no longer ever want to SI again. I used to think i needed to, but now, i dont even want to quite frankly. It was the best gift I could ever get: freedom.
But just a moment ago, I was talking with my friend. It was the one who had got me through every moment during those months where i SId, she was always ALWAYS there for me and is the most INCREDIBLE person i know. She used to SI too, and its been a bit over a year since she’s last done it. Until just now. She told me a few days ago she cracked. When she told me this, I started bawling. I couldn’t believe it. I felt so terrible, and I feel like I caused it somehow. Why is it when I get better, my friend gets worse!?! I HATE IT. I would not even hesitate to trade spots with her and take her place. I hate to see her suffer so much, and I wish I could make it all better. But I can’t. It’s the worst feeling, even worse than when I SI’d. Please, if everyone could pray for her, it would mean a lot to me. I love her so much, I don’t know what I would do without her. She doesn’t deserve this.
I’m praying. And I had a similar situation… with my baby sister. At only eleven–barely puberty–she decided to SI. If you could pray for her in return I’d be grateful. 🙂 No one deserves this. We can pull through.
I’ll pray for both of you as well :). It’s hard when we slip up but it also doesn’t mean our world has to fall apart. A year SI-free is amazing! It’s unrealistic to expect that one will never SI again. With this realization, it is easier to pick yourself up and have a fresh start. We always have a choice of how to react. It happened. It doesn’t have to mean that it will now start all over again and that SI has now entered her normal routine. It’s a bump in the road. As easy as it is to stumble, it is equally as easy to have a fresh start-especially with God. The one thing that has helped me in my road to recovery with both my SI and bulimia was to realize that I was IN recovery, not recovered. There is a huge difference. Don’t expect perfection, expect reality. Remember that we can do everything through Him who gives us strength, Philippians 4:13.
Oh no. I am not expecting perfection at all. But I know if in my right mind I don’t want to SI anymore, then I should be able to get through most of the times, only slipping once in a while rather than every day. It’s just a relief cause for the past week or so, when i got angry, i didn’t think, ugh i want to injure. I just went for a run or played the piano. AND IT WORKED!! Thank you for your prayers 🙂 I’ll pray for you guys too. I hope things are going well for you guys. I wish that she would realize that. She sets the standards SO HIGH for herself, I wish she wouldn’t. Thanks for the advice though. Stay strong both you guys (and everyone!). We’ll all get through this.
Yay! Thanks for the update, Guardianangel. i’m glad you’re doing a little better. Running and playing the piano are a couple of my favorite methods for this particular madness, too :] Thanks, Kellie, God is an excellent help in situations like these. The feeling of trusting Him is very comforting, for some reason.
Ever heard the saying “things get worse before they get better”? I believe that, because it’s true for me. All of last year, I could swear God hated me. I thought he left my side. But this year, he turned things around, changed my life, and now I follow him immensely. When we get off track, God finds us, and he puts us back. He helps us out, no matter how much we shun him. We’re all loved, and we can all do this. We can never ever do it alone though.