Alright.  So yesterday, on my birthday, something in my head just clicked.  I no longer ever want to SI again.  I used to think i needed to, but now, i dont even want to quite frankly.  It was the best gift I could ever get: freedom. 

But just a moment ago, I was talking with my friend.  It was the one who had got me through every moment during those months where i SId, she was always ALWAYS there for me and is the most INCREDIBLE person i know.  She used to SI too, and its been a bit over a year since she’s last done it.  Until just now.  She told me a few days ago she cracked.  When she told me this, I started bawling.  I couldn’t believe it.  I felt so terrible, and I feel like I caused it somehow.  Why is it when I get better, my friend gets worse!?! I HATE IT.  I would not even hesitate to trade spots with her and take her place.  I hate to see her suffer so much, and I wish I could make it all better.  But I can’t.  It’s the worst feeling, even worse than when I SI’d.  Please, if everyone could pray for her, it would mean a lot to me.  I love her so much, I don’t know what I would do without her.  She doesn’t deserve this.