How do you get rid of something that part of you wants to keep? How do you win a battle that is between you and yourself? How do you tell yourself to let go of something you love? How do you put down something your heart is begging to use? How do you tell yourself lifes better w/o it when you’ve depended on it for so long? How do you win when winning will make you lose something you else? How do you choose which to follow? How do you tell yourself you can live w/o the other? How do you change when you want to stay where you are? how do you find a desire to live when all hope is gone?
So i’m 16 years old and started injuring about a year ago… i was raised/ am being raised in a christian home w/ wonderful parents but that didn’t change what happened to me, i’m worried that someday i’ll go to far, i want to quit but can’t seem to fing a way to, my parents have no idea although i have told a few close friends, i wrote the above section while in a prayer meeting at my church i feel so hypocritacal because i’m the girl everyone thinks has it all, caption of the cheer squad, perfect parents, loving fam, president of fccla, and major volenteer at my church… but all faces aside i’m strugling to survive. sometimes i catch myself wondering if there is even a god out there sometimes i catch myself wondering if he really cares… the biggest problem though is that i catch myself wondering more and more… i want to find the answers but can’t i want to find answers but don’t know where to look, i want to s.i. again but am afraid someone will see here, i wanna blame my brother who did all the things to me he did, but under it all the only one i can blame is me, which just makes my want to do s.i. again and again.
I know it’s strange (and kind of stupid) but I’ve found that when I want to SI, I busy myself with something that requires concentration and planning and challenges me. Not art–I’m too much a perfectionist for that. Baking, however, is a really good coping mechanism for the SI needs. Start out small–maybe cookies or brownies–and work your way up. Not only do you get the feelings out by kneading dough but you also learn something new (a step to feeling good about yourself) and if you did a good job, you’ve got a treat ready and waiting for you for not hurting yourself. Stuff happens and happened to a lot of us in the past… but reliving it doesn’t help unless you have someone there with you to help you through the memories. So in the meantime… bake :]
Or a journal…
Instead for self injurying write down all your feelings.
But when your done writing it down read it over again and again and you’ll realize how stupid it all sounds.
That what I do.
And it works.
There’s nothing wrong with wondering. I suggest to do it more often.
Wonder why you self injure
Wonder why, think back to the event that started it.
Why did it happen? how?
and talk about it with someone. someone close. Friend? Parent? But not even parents can understand sometimes, my mother says I just “scratch myself” how can you just scratch yourself with a sharp though?
i know exactly how you feel. i’ve felt all of this too. i started S.I when i was 12 – it lasted about 2years before i finally got help – it started off with just a few injuries yano, i never realized how addictive it would become, and how much i’d not just want, but absolutely need it too. i’m almost 15 and i haven’t S.I for a hole year now, and believe me, it wasn’t easy not too. sometimes i thought, ‘why am i doing this? it would be so much easier just to give up’. honestly, thaa cravings for S.I never really go away, but you do tend to crave it less though. a journal/diary is a great idea, i suggest you keep it in a safe place thaa you are 100% certain now one will read it. if you can’t be certain then everytime you write something down i suggest you burn it, or tear it up into tiny pieces then throw thaa away. cus my mam read my diary and grounded me for what was wrote in it… so yeah, i don’t you’d want anyone reading your thoughts and feelings. i tend to try and distract myself, like i’ll make loads of plans for thaa week so i don’t have too much time on my hands to dwell on thaa bad things. try go out with your friends more, join a new club or take up a new sport. possibly find a part time job, at least your earning a little for yourself then, and use thaa money to treat yourself to something nice, cus you do deserve good things.