I have not SIed for over two months now, and I would like to keep that up. I just went through a nearly impossible break up with this guy, and all I want to do is take that pain out on myself, so Im going to write on here instead. We were together for ayear, and basically inseperable. He did not initially know about my depression, but was very supportive when he found out. He was my biggest support and I can honestly say I would not be here today had I never met him. He got me to get help for my SI addiction, and kept me away from drugs and alcohol. He was always there to talk to me or take care of me, and I was there for him too. He once told me, “When I met youbabe, you were just this cute girl I wanted to get to know. But then I realized you had some issues, and I was like this girl needs someone to take care of her, so im going to do that. And then along the way I fell in love with you, and knew I wanted to protect you forever.” And for the past year, he has. More thananyone should be expected to. I thnk my attempt really shook him up, in March, because he felt like I was leaving him, and it was just a shock to him because I promised I would stay alive for him. I worked to stop SI because I knew it hurt him. He made me feel whole, and like I was worth something, which helped me stop hating myself and hurting myself. He selflessly took care of me, until recently he entered a bad bipolar episode. He hasnt had one in three years, and this is very extreme. He cheated, and pushed me away, and then would beg for me back, sayign that lettig me go was the biggest mistake he’d ever made. I miss him terribly, but am learning that I can survive alone. I do not want to SI over this. Writing helps me, so i figured id write about this on here, because you guys probaly understand in a way. Im falling apart inside but trying to stay strong. I wrote a lot in my journals, and have been spending hours at the gym, pedalling on the bike and thinking about everything. I listen to our song, Im lost without you on repeat and the hurt is overwhelming. I miss him. He was the first person who I truly trusted, and who saw past my facade to the girl who needed help inside, and was drowning in her issues. I need to find someone else to talk to.