Hi, my name is katherine and im 15 years old. i started self-injury in the beginning of 7th grade. It all started as something fun to do with friends or something to do when i was bored. Then it began to get into something that was a competition. It became an epidemic at our school, EVERYONE and when i say everyone i mean literally everyone was doing it. Shortly after people started getting called down to the deans office for it, i stopped. But i didnt stop harming myself… i became anorexic shortly after that as well. It didnt get to serious to were i had to enter a hospital for help but it was pretty serious to wear i was physically not well at all!  It was a scary thing. (im going to jump ahead a little bit) Now im 15 and i got over being anorexic..but i got back into self harm. Right after i got over being anorexic, which was the same year it started i began self harming again. Me harming my body got pretty serious to were my parents had finally decided to send to me an out patient treatment center. i was really scared to go somewhere where i knew no one, and had to get help for something i wanted to keep doing. I was in the out patient treatment center for about three months and i have to be honest it didnt help at all. For a girl like me; one who was kinda sheltered and didnt really know much about what people were really doing and all that stuff, going into treatment was probably not the best idea. I became friends with people really fast and grew close to them.. but there was a problem with that, i learned a lot of new ways to harm myself.. me, being the sheltered girl i was i didnt know any better than to try it out.. i didnt think it was that bad, so i did. (im not going to get into specifics though) I honestly started to get worse and worse and they had to move me from out patient to in patient. I was at in patient for 7 days and that didnt help either. After being at in patient i went back to the out patient treatment center i started off in and finished that. Nothing was helping and my parents were getting very frustrated and worried. Eventually i got better though, all thanks to my great therapist that was with me all through treatment. Just because im still harming myself does not mean i do not have a wonderful therapist… she works with me on just about anything and everything i need to work on. and it helps a lot. sometimes i just forget to use my copying skills, or am to upset to even wanna use them. I’ve been out of treatment for over a year now, i’ve seen a lot of progress but just recently i’ve been having such a hard time. It all started when my ex boyfriend; my first love, broke up with me.. he broke my heart and im still hurting after a few or more months of not being together. Ever since he ended things.. i feel like i have no one even though i have everyone. i’ve been trying to write in my journal and trying to hang out with people and even some other boys just to try and get over him, but nothing is working and im getting really tired of trying when i feel like im not getting anywhere. and honestly what hurts the most is that i’m still here hurting and thinking about him everyday and still in love with him.. but hes moved on, happy, doesnt love me anymore.. and honestly i dont think wants to have anything to do with me. So i’ve been harming myself again and i cant get myself to stop. all i want to do anymore is harm myself, just so i can escape and dont have to deal with feeling lonely, lost, and forgotten. I’ve finally hit a relaps and not a laps, its been so long since i have ;/. im ashamed… but, i would rather hurt myself and escape from this world than feel the lost, lonely, forgotten feeling that i have been. im scared! 🙁