I haven’t wrote on here in awhile…I could say that I’ve been really busy…but I know its a lie so I’m not going to say it. I haven’t been on here because I guess I thought I didn’t need it maybe I kept thinking, “Go write on it! Go you need to!” but I’d put it off maybe tomorrow or I’m too busy right now…later. I went to one of my best friends little brother’s Jr. High Grad Party…I didn’t wanna go I hate…absolutely HATE Grad Parties but I had an okay time and then for karoke my friend found a song I love. I had the most fun time singing it with her we had so much fun! But my mom came home today from the party and she was like, “Why’d you sing it?! Some parents didn’t think it was funny.” And if you’ve ever heard that song its not that bad that and its about girls/women who won’t be changed and if you (your partner)  can accept that, that’s all that really matters because no matter what your not always going to be the perfect person. The song has a meaning to it and its only one really bad word and there are a lot of other words that are incredibly worse! And then she said how I don’t need to yell and scream that song around that I’m a beautiful, smart, nice girl and it seemed like she was ashamed of me! Because I sang one song that I think is funny and that I like! I first saw/heard it being signed in Sign Language! I had the most fun time singing it and instead she makes it seemed like I went around the whole party swearing to everyone I talked to. I hate it when she drinks alcohol and I’m not the daughter who goes crazy about it on her…then I’d totally be in for it. But I also know that you stay away from her when she drinks even though she’s not drunk she just does things/says things to hurt you. Its really hard to explain but basically you don’t joke around with her, you don’t fight with her, your safest saying nothing unless your spoken to. But its hard because she says whatever she wants and doesn’t think that it might hurt. She’d probably been there for 30mins-45mins when she kissed me hello (we came in seperate cars she was at work so my dad, sis, and I went together in one car and she drove her own) I could already smell the beer on her breath. She smokes sometimes too when she’s not with my dad at least and that only makes matters incredibly worse! She thinks I’m spending too much time on my laptop but 1. I’m taking an online course and 2. It makes me feel at home I’ve always been a homebody and with the depression its not like its any better. My parents are threatening to take the laptop because they say I spend too much time on it but it makes me feel better. I feel like a complete failure in everything I do! I was dating a girl online (i’m bi) we broke up and yesterday (saturday) she was really mean which I can understand but I feel like I’m dependent on her because if she’s at least on AIM then I know I can live.  Its like my life really doesn’t get a break in it. My depression has gotten worse I’m happy to report…NOT!!! Were supposed to be moving at the end of this school year…but I wanna leave now! I hate my life here! I just wanna be somewhere, where I can reinvent myself where none of the people really know me where at school I can figure out who will be my friends and who won’t. Where its not the same thing over and over and over again! I’m sick of it! Literally! I look at the school and I want to leave my house, my town, my school! I saw another one of my best friends and I just wanted to tell her everything not caring that we were at the party. Sorry this is sooo confusing!