I’m trying really hard to get better and stop SIing, but it really isn’t easy. I keep slipping, and it’s quite frustrating, cause I know exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. Using my coping mechanisms, talk to someone, go for a run, play the piano, draw, punching bag, etc. I even put post-it notes up on my mirror to remind me to use those things, but the last time I SId (Sunday), I tore them to pieces. Before, I would just get angry, like anyone does. But now I cope with anger using SI. It’s just a habit now. I have to stop though. Even though it wasn’t as consistent as it used to be, the SI is getting worse.
My parents are in some sort of cloud, thinking that everything is getting a lot better. On sunday, I even went up into the kitchen to the closet to get something to SI with, to make it hard on myself. They were in the room. They didn’t say anything, didn’t even notice.
I want to go back to being that girl that everyone knew. One of my few friends that knows told me she almost feels responsible for this, cause she SId, and she says that she should’ve been able to stop me. I feel so guilty, like I’ve let her down. I don’t know what to do. God, please, help me.