I was doing well. Or at least I thought. Maybe I was just running again. I am so confused — I didn’t even think about it this time. It was like I got so overwhelmed and scared that I just resorted to old behavior. I don’t understand because I now have some people to talk to – people who will understand and talk me through it and support me and just be with me until I think I can be alone. I have the support – now it is on me to use it. I don’t know why I chose not to this time, but I just went ahead without even picking up the phone. 

I have to remember to pick up the phone. now I am looking at what I did and it makes things worse knowing that they could be absent had I only used my coping tools. I think I underestimated this problem… thinking other issues were bigger and more serious – which yes, they also are serious but this needs to be helped too. 

There I said it, I need help.

 Sometimes I know I need to talk to someone but I have no idea what I would say… what would I say to them? I almost don’t even have words… people thought I was doing better – they said they were starting to see differences in me… why am I going back?