I fall in love with one person over and over again and can never get things right. I missed my one and only chance at a relationship with him because i was too busy dealing with the fact that i had been raped by a drunk 24yr old guy two days before school had started this year. when he asked me out my heart wanted to say yes, but i just couldnt deal with all of the emotions of the summer and then balance a relationship. i said i wasnt ready and i guess a few weeks or a month was too long of a wait for him, so he moved on while i continued to deal on fall in love. when he broke up with alissa, i thought things would work. we were going to try and start a relationship this summer, but then things got odd. he started becoming distant and cold. when i would see him, he was different. not the same person i fell in love with, but changed. I logged on to facebook and then my heart shattered. i read those few little words and my heart was destroyed. he was now in a relationship with someone else. to be lead on and then just abandoned is way to much for me to deal with. I had already spent a week in the hospital this year, trying to deal with all of my triggers and depression. my life was finally starting to feel right, and now it is slowly slipping down that spiral into the darkness again. i wait to hit the bottom and once again not be able to breathe because things are too much to deal with. i await the injuries and overwhelming times and addicted to the SI i will become, once again.