So there is this boy whom I want to hold to recovery for. I know it is bad and very co-dependent of me to be holding to a person to help me to recover but with him I smile again. I’m constantly laughing and smiling and I feel at peace. I miss him a lot at this moment. This morning was hard I will admit laying there thinking about injuring for a couple hours. How nice it would to be able to relapsed but I pushed through. I slipped up about a week or so ago, injuring in a different way. Still injuring yourself is still hurting yourself. I know that I have to technically start over but I am fine with that. He knows so much about me and I have told him everything. He was one of the first people to know about me injuring and yet he just sat me down and talked to me without telling me about 2 years ago. He is amazing, he makes me happy, he reminds me of my dad, and I love him. I am so happy and so sad to not be able to see him much. I will admit it scares me so much because I have this deep feeling that I am about to loose him because of the issues between my mom and the church and his parents. It would break me to fall in love again for the second time in my life and have it break in front of me again. I am so terrified, so happy, so terrified….

Heather