I have injured myself since the end of Octber. I want to stop, and I know I should because all of my friends are getting mad at me and leaving me, plus I know that eventually my parents are going to find out. I just don’t know how to. I know I injure myself becuase I have my dad’s anger. And when I get mad, I injure myself, instead of being like my dad and taking it out on others. I just don’t know how to control that anger, because I get mad easily, and I’m not sure what to do anymore. I don’t know… I just, I’m so messed up. I have injured in a few ways… I am just basically hopeless. I don’t believe in God and don’t want to. I just… I just need help.
Well, I’m proud of you for admitting that you need help. Truthfully, that is the hardest step, and when you want help, its makes the process of getting better easier than it would be originally. I know how hopeless it can seem, but try to have faith in yourself. I would have some anger issues, more anger towards myself, so i tried to get it out in ways that helped. Every moment that you want to SI, try to ask yourself, What good is this going to do me. I know it is such a difficult question to ask, I still slip, but it may help you “wake up”. We all think that we have to SI, but really, we don’t have to. My friend made me realize that, and ever since then, it has stuck w/ me, and many of the times I’ve felt really guilty after SIing. Just have faith, you can make it through this.
The problem is that I don’t feel guilty. I really want to do it, and after I SI it makes the anger go away. And I like that. It makes everything better for a while, and that makes me feel good. I feel bad that I made the mistake of telling my friends, because they hate that I do it, and don’t want to be friends anymore. I don’t know. I’m so confused.
There is hope, you are loved. Yeah, its true. In trying times, there is serenity. In valor, there is hope. We just have to find it. I find hope in TWLOHA, an organization. Watch Renee Yohe’s “three years” video…its my favorite.
<3