Alright. I dunno what the deal is, but I CANNOT STOP MOVING. My shrink thinks it may be from the meds i’m on, but its ridiculous how jittery and fidgety i am. I’m constantly up till 4 or even 5 in the morning, either studying or pacing my room or cleaning it. I feel exhausted in my brain, but my body’s “off” switch is broken or something. And it doesn’t help that it’s exam week either. And the nightmares have come back, just to add to everything. So, my whole, ah, stopping SIng plan has been stopped for the meantime… done SI every night since last thursday. wonderful. i dont even feel guilty about it, its my stress reliever unfortunately. And i dont know why, but lately ive been EXTREMELY irritated, at the most random things. All of a sudden i just get this uncontrollable urge for someone to shut up or else i’ll rip my head off. I am seriously a hair away from completely losing it and having a major freak out and i dont know what to do, i can’t calm down, im always irritated, SI is my only solace, feel like i’ve lost God again. HELP!!!
Hi…I completely understand how you feel about wanting everyone to shut up and just feeling a rage inside of you! Ive been feeling that a lot lately too and want everyone to leave me alone…thinking that I can do it all on my own. Well, for me anyway…I’ve realized that I can’t do it on my own…not only do I need God in my life but people who love and listen to me.Today is day 6 for me and it is the LONGEST time I have in for a really long time! SureI have urges everyday but am trying to change my thinking pattern. I just started on a new med on Monday and so I am hoping it wil help me too! It is possible for you to get better and to find God again in your life. He never leaves us…sometimes we just choose to ignore him, thinking we can do things on our own. I believe in you! If you ever need to chat…email me at ninelives9@live.com . Take care and hang in there!!! You are loved!!
I’m sorry to hear you are struggling soo much. It sounds like you are really hurting. You haven’t lost God, maybe just strayed away a little bit. Maybe saying a prayer, or when you wake up in the morning, ask God to help you get through your day. Or, maybe just ask him to help you get through breakfast. Either way, I have found that it helps me. And, He does get me through my day. However, it is still a struggle, but at night, I thank Him for His help. I seem to sleep more soundly when I do that too.
I do not know much about meds, but maybe you should ask your doctor about trying something else? Like I said, I don’t know much about that.
Lastly, you are very strong!! I’ve read a lot of your comments and your posts and I find a lot of wisdom in them. I admire your strength and the effort you put fourth in fighting your war. You can beat this. Maybe tell yourself “For the next 10 minutes, I will NOT SI.” and then again after the first 10 minutes are up and so on and so on. I know its sounds a little crazy, but honestly, it works. I hope the best for you…hang in there!!!
Thanks you guys. Your posts helped a lot, they always help me snap out of the ridiculous mind-frame that I always have. Or my “faulty thinking”. I will DEFINATELY try your guys’ suggestions, they are very very appreciated. Can-a-da, thanks a lot for the offer to talk. Although I never want to admit that I need the help, it’s nice to know that people are there for me to talk to. Congrats on your 6 days! Keep up the good work! Jymes, thank you for the support. The only hard part is that I don’t always follow my own advice, which makes me feel somewhat hypocritical… I’ve never really considered myself a strong player in this war, but I’m trying my hardest. It doesn’t sound crazy at all, its like setting tiny goals for yourself that are manageable. Rather than the ridiculous goal of stopping cold turkey. Thank you again, to both of you. Your comments really made my day! Stay strong and have faith. (One more exam!!)
You are very welcome…I’m glad you found some peace in that post :). Good Luck, stay strong!!! 🙂