Sure I can celebrate that I’ve been SI free for five months but know that it hasn’t been without a struggle.  I have made a conscious effort to choose not to self-injure.

Today I had a “crappy good” session with my therapist.  That term comes from when I attended SAFE last Aug/Sept.  It’s crappy b/c of having to sit with uncomfortable emotions, finding a way to identify them and to express them but it’s good to cry and let all those tears flow and to give a voice to those emotions that are so often silenced.

So today we went deeper than usual and I cried a lot.  I told my therapist that I’ve been having strong urges to SI.  She guided me through a visualization excercise where I had to sit with that hurt, pain, and anger that I feel before I SI.  She had me stay there and express that anger in other ways by visualizing it.  I cried so much today but it was a good cry. 

I’m confident in my choice not to SI anymore.  I don’t want to do that to cope with my feelings anymore.  I’d rather learn better ways to cope and to manage these intense feelings.  Sure I still get urges and some days they are really strong but those are the days that I tell myself to sit with the uncomfortable feelings or to get out of the house or to log.  Speaking of logs, I haven’t logged since I last SI’ed back in December.  Today I opened up my log and started using it again.  I think it’s important that I face what feeling I am experiencing and then to find a better, even creative way to express that feeling.

I hope my progress can inspire some of you who are struggling with SI.  I am ever grateful to SAFE for the Intensive program that really taught me that I am a worthwhile person and that I have a choice when it comes to injuring.  Some of us who were at SAFE are getting together for a reunion of sorts in Chicago at the end of June.  I’m anxious about the visit but I’m excited too.  It will be so wonderful to see the friends I made in SAFE once again!  We’re planning on having fun hanging out and just being friends to one another.