Princess Bride reference, sorry…So once again I’m alone in my room, isolated. There’s no one on skype, Im avoiding facebook, and I’ve checked all my emails atleast 4 times in the past hour. My mind is wandering and I was thinking about how all this got started. The scary thing is, I don’t remember the details. It was nearly 4 years ago, beginning of my sophomore year. But I don’t remember the first injury, I don’t remember why except that I was extremely upset over some thought that had wandered into my mind. I’m rambling here I’m sorry, I just need something better to do than reaching into my night stand. Anyways, I just wonder what brings a person to start S.I. I mean it takes some sort of disturbed mind to come to this conclusion doesn’t it? I wonder sometimes if my thoughts were public 24/7 if they’d lock me away somewhere and throw away the key…
Not at all. Your thoughts are just like everyone else’s. SI starts with being a broken person, admitting to just yourself that you can’t deal with the things that happen in your life. And that’s okay, we can’t always be good at managing every curveball we’re thrown in life. But honestly, the need to SI comes from feeling like we can’t do anything else, like nothing else helps, like nothing else is good enough. And that’s where we lie to ourselves. I’ve tested this theory with several different coping mechanisms. I’ve found that crying, reading, writing, poetry, running, praying, and just talking help more than anything else in the world. And if you combine all those forces, you’ll be like, almost fully recovered. I have a one-second rule. That means that the one second I feel an urge, I don’t let myself isolate, I do something about it. I work hard at making it go away. I tell someone. And instead of isolation, you should try all that.
i remember most every detail. and why and how. i know i thought about it for forever until i finally had the nerve to do it. i honestly wish i could forget. i think it would make me feel better.
Its good that you remember…because if we forget then we lose what we’ve gained. At the same time though you need to “touch and go”. By that I mean, you remember the memory, the reason, the pain. You accept it, and you move forward. If we stay in the memories too long, then we are only “setting ourselves us”. That is where our addiction tricks us, because we dwell too long and then we feel we have no other option than to SI because we can no longer handle the intestity of our feelings. That is where you MUST be careful. “Touch and go”. Easier said then done, belive me, I know. And you said about reaching into your night stand…personally I think you let that thought linger to long!!! Next time tht happens, leave the room…do something to redirect your thinking…it could be anything. I do not kniow if you have pets, but sometimes I will grab my dog and just hold on to him and cry. I pour my heart out to him sometimes (he doesn’t mind, he never complains). But, that works for me. I hope you are well…I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, best of luck to you! 🙂