today is my first day bloging. The last 6 months of my life have been the worst i have ever had. I had the urge again, when i remembered an ex of mine, who broke up with me 2 months ago. He was my first true love, and he broke me. I started injuring myself while we were dating, i was having trouble with my parents and some friends, and i was experimenting with hurting myself. Im 14 and im injuring myself too often, its an addiction, i cant stop. I have a new boyfriend, but i feel like i am using him to get over my last, which doesnt make me feel any better about myself, he called me just as i was about to injure, i was balling, and i told him what i was about to do, and he made me promise that i would get help, so here i am, not knowing what im doing anymore, feeling worthless, like life has no meaning for me, i know i need help, but im too scared to get it, in a way i dont want to stop, because its a comfort to me, to know that im still alive, that there is other pain, than the one just in my heart, i grieve for my ex, i cry over him everyday, my mom and i are in constant uproar with eachother, i dont know what to do anymore, i need help
Welcome to the blog! I know exactly how you feel, SI is an addiction and it is extremely hard to stop. But if you don’t get help, it will only make the process of getting better even harder. You cannot do this on your own. Please, tell your parents, or an adult you trust that can get you a counselor or psychologist. Telling my mom was the best decision I ever made, but I couldn’t have done it without the help of my friend. I’m still struggling with SI, I have been for about four months now and I’m almost 15, but I’m getting better and I know that I will continue to get better with help. I know that SI is your only solace, it was (and still is :[ )mine, but you have to find something else as a release. Anything. Try running, drawing, writing, talking to someone, ANYTHING. Do not think that life doesn’t have a meaning. God put us here with a purpose, and he wants us to enjoy life and learn from our mistakes. Even though you’re going through some pretty crappy times, I can almost guarantee that in the end, this will make you a stronger person who is happier and more content with life. Don’t give up, have hope. You’ll make it through this hon.
Welcome .nora.
This is a great place to start, especially if you are looking for help. This is the best place that I have found, especially in terms of triggers. Which that is a major thing that you have to be cautious about!!! A good website to google is self mutilators annoymous. There are a lot of helpful things on that site. I noticed that you are 14, so you are still in high school, you should think about approaching your school nurse/guidance counslor. Only if you truly trust in them though. I am 24, and for the first time in my life I know that I am powerless over my addiction. However, it can be arrested, and I have a little over 40 days without SI. I never thought that could happen, but it has and I am so proud of myself. Do you belive in a higher power? If not, you should think about that, one thing that I have learned is that you higher power can get you through many many things. My higher power is God. I have an issue with trust, and I am working on giving myself to God, however, I believe that God knows I struggle with this and with every passing day he shows me that I am able to trust him and that he does love me. The next time you feel like you need to SI or want to SI you need to let 5 minutes pass before you do. And then, if you still want to, let 5 more minutes pass, and so on. Soon, you will see that you will not want to SI for a hour or two. And then, maybe you will wake up and say “Today, I am not going to SI.” But, just remember take it one day at time…that is all you can do. You are in my thoughts!!! Stay strong, there is hope. Recovery IS possible!!!!