Finally. A break.
I haven’t injured since the 13th. It is now the 24th. 11 days. So proud!
What made me stop? Many things, I guess.
For some reason, I had always liked the way the injuries looked. Just recently, they have made me feel even more ugly. When I see them, I want to scream. I feel HIDEOUS.
Secondly, it’s been getting extremely hot here, and I want to wear shorts and tank tops. Kinda hard when you have marks.
Third, my mom. I can’t keep this from her, but I don’t want her to know, either, because she doesn’t deserve to have to go through this again. If I won’t not injure myself for me, then I’ll do it for her.
The other day, she saw them and asked, “Yeah, and by the way, what are those marks?! WHAT the HELL is goin’ on, NOW?!”
I just lied, and said that between my cat and puppy….well, yeah.
She believed me.
I am an amazing liar.
Usually when I’m lying, my nostrils flare (Yeah, I know, weird. LOL.) But, when it comes to a dire situation, I can lie my way through anything. Sadly, this is a trait of which I am proud of. Twisted.
But…all is pretty well. 11 days and counting.
God please let this war be over.
I know how you feel I can also lie my way out of things and you make sense out of something that I still can’t. I keep saying to everyone who notices my marks that my cat did I mean why should I take responsibility RIGHT! I’m really proud that you’ve gone 11 days and I hope you keep it up I’ve been trying to make it pass 5 days without hurting myself, but I haven’t. You see I’ve never done anything for myself that was good I’ve always done it for other people and right now I’m alone and don’t know who to do it for because it would feel strange to do something that is good for myself. That’s sick right.
I’m glad you posted this. It sends me kind of a strong message, and a goood one at that. I think you should be straightforward with your mom, tell her the last time was in fact 11 days ago. “The truth hurts, but lies sting worse.” By not telling someone something you should, you’re tec hnically lying to them…or avoiding the truth. The only way your mom can help you is if she knows. If she’s not going to flip out, just be honest with her. If she is going to flip out, just be honest with her. Her reaction is her own fault, and it’s something that is beyond your control and not your problem. Tell her that you want this to end just as badly as she does, and work together to try and achieve that help–key word: together.
Wow. You cannot glorify SI. Its is almost making it okay, you are justifying it. And lying…that is nothing to be proud of…that is hurtful mostly to yourself…because then the “cat and puppy” scatches start to become real. Even though you no they are not, it is strange, but belive me, it starts to happen. You mum cares very much for you, you cannot expect her to be calm. I mean, she is looking at her child who has injured themselves. That is something most people cannot comprehend unless they themselves have done it. It is good to want to protect your mum, but you cannot do this for her. YOU NEED TO WANT TO DO THIS. Recovery is possible, I hear that all of the time, and for the first time in my life I truly belive it. This site, my therapist, my friends, my boyfriend, my life, my want all plays a part in wanting to stop. But, I have been a SI for 13 years, and it was only 47 days ago when I said…”I am powerless over my addictions and my life has become unmanageable.” And now I am in recovery, and already my life is better, I have recently allowed God back into my life. Not that he hasn’t been there the whole time, but I have come back to him. That helps me. I do not know if it will help you, but I hope you find something that does. Some sort of higher power that you know and belive is there to guide and help you. You are strong enough to over come this. Good luck to you…and I am very proud of you for having 11 days…that is an AMAZING accomplishement, you should be very excited and proud of yourself!! Good luck to you!