that maybe my therapist keeps telling me more things that are wrong with me just to keep me coming back
okay so i dont actually think that, but last week she actually used the words i had been dreading to hear “binge eating disorder” i guessed that i might have it almost three years ago, and thought about it every once in a while since then. She asked me what i thought of what she said, and i asked her if she thinks a i have it. She says she think i might. She had been dropping hints about it for a while but this time she actually said it, and that scares me
Then she said that she thought i substituted food for si. First i told her that i ate just as much when i si’d. Then i confessed that i still si. I went through the S.A.F.E. program last summer and though i si’d less and went months without SIing i never really stopped. I could stop if i wanted to, but i dont. I feel bad about myself and about life in general. I’ve thought about ending it but i dont want to die. I want to live, but i want to live without pain, without hurt. I want to live. just not like this.
She’s trying to tell you her version of what she sees as a problem with you, so that you can work together to fix it. Therapists do this not to berate you, but to make you realize a few things yourself and about yourself too. Just listen, and just go through the motions kind of, and be honest with her and with yourself. It’s not tough. The worst thing you can do is pity yourself. Never resort to that, because feeling bad for yourself doesn’t push you up, it drags you down. And take the time to LISTEN to others. I used to be stubborn, before I knew I needed help. Since then, I’ve been to meetings, had a counselor for three years, and listened to every single person because they’re trained to deal with this stuff, they know what they’re talking about. Just take it all in, and you’ll be okay.