that maybe my therapist keeps telling me more things that are wrong with me just to keep me coming back

okay so i dont actually think that, but last week she actually used the words i had been dreading to hear “binge eating disorder” i guessed that i might have it almost three years ago, and thought about it every once in a while since then. She asked me what i thought of what she said, and i asked her if she thinks a i have it. She says she think i might. She had been dropping hints about it for a while but this time she actually said it, and that scares me

Then she said that she thought i substituted food for si. First i told her that i ate just as much when i si’d. Then i confessed that i still si. I went through the S.A.F.E. program last summer and though i si’d less and went months without SIing i never really stopped. I could stop if i wanted to, but i dont. I feel bad about myself and about life in general. I’ve thought about ending it but i dont want to die. I want to live, but i want to live without pain, without hurt. I want to live. just not like this.