Ugh, talk about a bad weekend… I somehow managed not to do it on Sunday, but I’m really worried I’m going to SI tonight. I know I shouldn’t really been talking, people have gone through much much worse than I have, but I’m so discouraged and just want to give up. I put so much freaking pressure on myself, and I know it, but I can’t stop setting high expectations for myself. And when I don’t meet them, I only beat myself up about it. I know that I won’t stop SI until I stop and just accept who I am, but I CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW!!! I really want all of this to stop and have life go back to the way it was. I know this will be make me stronger in the end, blah blah blah, but seriously is there a way I could’ve learned without going through this!?! I’ve only hurt myself and the people I love, and I can’t take it anymore. I don’t really care about myself, other people are always my first priority, but I can’t stand hurting my mom and friends. I feel so terrible about it, and when I think about it, it only makes me want to SI more. Sorry, I just had to get this out, I felt like I was going to explode.
You can’t change the past or predict the future…so live for today. You can’t avoid it now, the damage has already been done. And I can relate to this, because pressuring myself is what started all this SI. The pressure from my father and the pressure I applied to myself to get away from him were tremendous, and today, I try and be positive, because there are people I know who have it tons worse than I do, and I do my best to help them out, and that’s what helps me be okay. You can do it, too.
<3, rescue
Now you have to learn how to take care of yourself. You are your first priority!!! You have to remember that!!! My therapist asked me…”What would you do if you had a little girl? How would you take care of her?” She said that is what I have to do with myself. Sometimes I have to step back and say, “What would I do if I were my daughter and she needed to be taken care of?” I’ll tell you what…it works. Something to think about! Hang in there! 🙂
Thanks guys. Rescue, I know, but I wish I could change the past… I regret WAY too many things. And Jymes, I’ll try to remember that. Hopefully it’ll help.
Stay Strong!
Just don’t dwell on things too long, cause you can’t change them. Fix what’s going on NOW instead of yesterday or tomorrow. Live for today!
<3, rescue