Ugh, talk about a bad weekend… I somehow managed not to do it on Sunday, but I’m really worried I’m going to SI tonight. I know I shouldn’t really been talking, people have gone through much much worse than I have, but I’m so discouraged and just want to give up. I put so much freaking pressure on myself, and I know it, but I can’t stop setting high expectations for myself. And when I don’t meet them, I only beat myself up about it. I know that I won’t stop SI until I stop and just accept who I am, but I CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW!!! I really want all of this to stop and have life go back to the way it was. I know this will be make me stronger in the end, blah blah blah, but seriously is there a way I could’ve learned without going through this!?! I’ve only hurt myself and the people I love, and I can’t take it anymore. I don’t really care about myself, other people are always my first priority, but I can’t stand hurting my mom and friends. I feel so terrible about it, and when I think about it, it only makes me want to SI more. Sorry, I just had to get this out, I felt like I was going to explode.