So this doesn’t really have a lot to do with s.i. but it is kind of peripherally related.
I was moping around feeling lonely for a few hours yesterday and realized that i am really scared of people. Like, i find it nearly impossible to make friends because i don’t trust anyone. Rather than risk rejection by being social, i’ll just sit around not talking. With my friends, i still don’t trust them enough to be really ‘close friends’. They hardly know me and i hardly know them. Seems kinda like i’ve blocked everyone off, even the people who i consider close.
I am a whole heck of a lot happier when out enjoying the company of other people, but it also scares me out of my mind. I’m constantly afraid that i’ll make a mistake and make someone angry. It’s kind of that whole “walking on egg shells” feeling, ya know?