Sorry about all the heavy posts …  a major role model of mine died of cancer a couple weeks ago and i guess it put the ‘big questions’ on my mind.

Anyway…yesterday was awesome.  Didn’t even think about s.i. once.  Today, not so much.  Sometimes i feel so ugly both inside and outside, like a blemish on the universe no one could possibly love.  Other times it’s more of a lingering feeling of guilt.  Like i’ve just done so many things wrong i need to punish myself in order to set things straight.  I have this weird idea that s.i. cancels out the bad things in the past, even though it’s really just another bad thing. hm.

Anyway…i’ve just been trying to think the future will be better.  We’ll see how long it works. haha. While i was typing this blog i got major news about my family…not really sure how to respond to it…