Sorry about all the heavy posts … a major role model of mine died of cancer a couple weeks ago and i guess it put the ‘big questions’ on my mind.
Anyway…yesterday was awesome. Didn’t even think about s.i. once. Today, not so much. Sometimes i feel so ugly both inside and outside, like a blemish on the universe no one could possibly love. Other times it’s more of a lingering feeling of guilt. Like i’ve just done so many things wrong i need to punish myself in order to set things straight. I have this weird idea that s.i. cancels out the bad things in the past, even though it’s really just another bad thing. hm.
Anyway…i’ve just been trying to think the future will be better. We’ll see how long it works. haha. While i was typing this blog i got major news about my family…not really sure how to respond to it…
Great days are the best! Share them with everyone. The shadows in your life will obviously never leave, there will always be gray areas. But that’s part of life, and it’s okay. I’m sorry for your loss, and if you feel like sharing that family problem, go ahead, it’s why I’m here.
Enjoy the great day while it’s lasting! Celebrate if you’d like, that’s a good idea!
<333, rescue
I punish myself a lot. I hate seeing my reflection in a mirror, window, etc. That’s part of what drove me to SI yesterday.
The future WILL be better. It just has to be..! Keep thinking positively. That will get you far. =)
<3 Kate
Hi Everyone,
Seems most of us are having a hard time right now. I know I am. I am trying to keep my hope (that I have in the Lord) alive. It’s not easy. I am currently writing a book about my life and now, probably wouldn’t be a good time to end the story of my life.
I have noticed that sometimes I si and sometimes I don’t. what’s scareing me is that, for the first time in my life, I am having a desire to to numb the pain inside myself in other ways. But, i am praying that God will see me through this and hopefully i will never do that. I want to take this time to encourage all of us to hang in there. Are time on earth is short, we can do it!!! keep writing if it help. A
Ang7777, you hang in there too. Awesome you’re writing a book!