Here are a couple poems I’ve written in the past. I don’t know what I really feel right now…I want to SI. SOO bad. I tried calling my best friend, because she told me that whenever I felt that irresistible urge to call her, but she wasn’t there. I was going to ask her to come and take a walk with me, to get my mind off of SI-ing. Because, I am DESPERATE to injure. So, I was reading some of my old poems. Thought I’d share.
“They Will in Time”
Fallen upon my knees,
I begged the universe.
as the pressure climbed higher and higher.
Cold and untouched,
my body fell completely,
and my hair kissed the ground.
My eyes casted upon the most
angelic being ever seen.
My vocal cords tightened in order to create
some collection of sounds that should be translated as
dressed in white,
bent down, and hunched its back
to bring our faces closer together.
As I gazed into the celestial being’s eyes,
there I was.
A mirror image.
I saw no beauty, though,
and I wept.
“Please,” I called.
The angel’s face changed into others.
It whispered in to my ear, “I love you,”
and raised a tool.
I’d love to say that I don’t care,
but I do,
and I can’t ignore that.
I’m tired of being nice,
and giving you the benefit of the doubt.
You don’t deserve that
after all you’ve done to me.
So, this is the last time you hurt me,
I can promise you that.
And that’s one promise I’ll have no problem keeping,
unlike all of the ones you made me.
There wasn’t one bit of truth in anything you said.
Maybe you do love me.
But I was always taught that when you love someone,
you never leave them.
You must hate me pretty bad.
Because you turned your back on me,
and that’s the only thing I’ve seen of you since.
Your apologies won’t work anymore.
It’s too late.
Maybe someday you’ll back on all of this,
and will hurt just as bad as I do.
I just hope that one day you’ll regret all of this.
“Forget it for Me…”
Forget that I ever loved you.
Forget that I ever cried my freaking eyes out for you.
Forget that I was the one who held your h e a d u p when you were in your stupor.
Forget that I was your little girl.
Forget that you were my h e r o.
Forget that we were friends.
Forget that I prayed for you day and night.
Forget that I sacrificed my life to be with you.
Forget that I ever excused your abuse.
Most of all…
“I Love You This Much…Really.”
Break down and sob.
Let the storm take over,
and crack your eyes
as the flood of sorrow
drowns your most precious dreams.
The dust and shadows are my only friend
in this prison cell you’ve sent me to.
Every beauty that decked your heart
is lost forever in the mad abyss
that is your mind.
You want so much to be insane,
that insanity, for you,
is a compliment. An achievement.
Glittering tear drops are shoved back
into the deepest part of my soul,
just so you won’t be able to see
what you do to me.
and lack of recognition
is sharper than any tool
that has ever touched my ivory skin.
The scars from you will never heal,
and I’ll be left in this prison…
which is your memory.
“Love is Only Love When You Mean It”
Love is only love when you mean it.
The petals of my heart wilt,
and my eyes weep acid.
I’m lost within a forest of doubts,
and I see no end in sight.
I open my mouth the utter a cry,
and strain the muscles of my throat.
But I remain mute.
I swing a punch at nonexistent
causes of this chaos and confusion.
The silence around me reminds me
And the cold resonates my delirium.
What’s worse than this feeling?
The fact that it’s because of you.
I feel so alone right now.