Hey guys…
So I had a session with my counselor tonight, it really was great. I got to talk about all the things that happened a year ago, the high point of things with my father and all. To share a bit, my dad emotionally abused me, and forced me to witness domestic violence with two different marriages, the first with my mom, and then my stepmom. He also hit my siblings. I told him a year ago that I was done with all his crap and I wouldn’t put up with it anymore. I thought I was being strong, but it got much worse. He would come to my practices after school and just stand there…just being in his presence made me feel uncomfortable, to a point where I’d get sick and not feel safe anywhere I went. He knew I self-injured, but he still took me to court, put me through therapy, caused me to have three nervous breakdowns, and I ended up in the hospital. It was bad. I’ve gotten alot of help since then though, and I talk about this stuff openly if you haven’t been able to tell. I have moved on from it, and the only downside of all this is that I don’t see or talk to my sisters anymore, as he has told them that I’m a bad person and made them dislike me. I try my best to not think about that though, because in reality, I know they don’t hate me, they’re just being manipulated. But as of now, I’m okay, and I don’t worry about my dad anymore. The main thing that gets me through is telling myself I’m better than him, and being able to say that I’ll be a much better person than he ever was. I’m strong. And he is NOT a reason to self-injure; nothing is.
Hopefully you all have a better understanding of me now, haha.
<3, rescue
Hi. I know that you dont know me but i read your blog and as i was reading it i realized that we have a lot in common.
Dear dear Rescue!
You are so totally right. You ARE better than your dad. I, too, was emotionally abused for about 5 – 6 years by my step-mom. But, she doesn’t call it that. It was “constructive criticism.” We are better now, but she has indefinitely damaged my heart and spirit. I care about her, but the things she said to me and called me have stuck, and I have pretty much convinced myself that everything she said was utter truth. But, part of me says no, it’s not. Ugh…so confusing, right? I’m sure you’ve had little conversations with yourself like that, too!! Lol.
You are definitely an inspiration to me, and I LOVE reading your posts, because they give me hope. Thank you.
~Kate~
wow, i’m so sorry your dad treated you like that…you deserve so much better. i really admire your kindness and willingness to help others even after you’ve been through so much yourself.
i also wanted to thank you for responding to my posts. i know i haven’t posted anything very cheerful, but it means a lot to me that someone out there is reading them!
Love me dead 0_0-That’s good, so you know you’re not alone. I’m glad 😀
and Kate, I’m glad you had the chance to continue to have a relationship with your stepmom after the abuse. I still don’t speak to my dad, and I most likely won’t ever again. I really miss my sisters, which stinks about that.
And yeah, when my dad used to berate me all the time, I’d tell myself how worthless I was and that everything he said was true. And that was what caused the SI, along with his stress and pressure. But now, I give hope to others and it keeps me okay. I use my pain to help other people, while also helping myself. It’s great, really.
Keep your faith, and keep on blogging.
<3, rescue
Yeah, I’m glad, too. Sometimes she’ll jab me with something without really thinking about it (I guess..), and it’ll take me back to previous times. But, I try not to let anything more get to me.
I’m so so sorry about your dad and sisters. I have 4 cousins that are my “brothers and sisters”, and 2 of them are into drugs, which is hard. So, I KINDA know what you’re going through! Not really, but I feel like I’m losing them, too.
LOL
Keep on a-goin’!! =D
Yeah,that it makes me feel a little bit better that i know that im not completely alone, but trust me. I feel so alone right now and i hate it! i have no one i can talk to! i cant talk to my mom cuz she doesnt know, DEFINTALY (sorry not that good at spelling) cant talk to my dad, and there is no way in hell that i will talk to stepmom. i can barley stand being in the same buliding as her, let alone talk to her about my feelings!