I haven’t bloged in a couple of days, but it has been a crazy weekend!!! This might be a long one!! (sorry)
Anyways, I had therapy on Friday, like I do every Friday. I of course was a mess afterwards again, but this time when I got home my boyfriend asked me how it went and I just broke down. This was good though, and it was good because now he is starting to learn what happened to me as I am dealing with it. So, that is good!!! And then from there the weekend was just nuts!! I kept busy…only broke down on Saturday morning and then collected myself quickly and went about my day. I also went to two meetings this weekend…I am hoping to go to three next weekend. I joined a home group and I also volunteered to make something for this fundraiser dance we are having!!!
Last night, my boyfriend came over and we watched a movie and went to bed…right as I layed down I recieved a text message from a friend of mine. Now, this friend of mine I cheated on my ex-boyfriend with, he is my ex-boyfriends brother’s best friend. However, I do not and never did have an attraction to this kid…he was just kinda like a toy to play with. I am not that person today, however, I cannot erase the fact that I was! Back tolast night. So, this kid he calls and we talk about his insecurities and this girl that he really likes and what not. He’s become almost like a younger sibling. He seeks my advice…and I try to help himthe best of my ability. Anyways, my boyfriend, who I am falling hard for, jokingly says “Was that your other boyfriend”. I laughed and said “No, that was Dan. You’ve met him at the gym.” And on that note, I went to bed. Well, I wake up to him asking me questions, now, I sleep wierdly and I was answering questions while I was still sleeping, I have nothing to hide or lie about so I know that I didn’t!  He thought I was cheating on him… I am now a nervous wreck…I mean, just the thought of losing him makes my heart ache. I just can’t even deal with that right now. I know that sounds crazy/stalkerish but its the truth. I almost gave up on the idea that I would feel this way for another person again! So, he means a lot to me, and I really amfalling in love with him. Anyways, I wake up at 3:00am to him putting his shoes on, and he asks me if I want any food from the gas station…I was again, pretty much sleeping and told him yes, and anyways he came back with food. We ate and then went back to sleep. I really do not think he slept all night, and I know that I didn’t sleep very well.
This morning I woke up and got ready for work, we went to his mum’s house, then he brought me into work and he stayed and worked out. When I finally sat down and looked at my phone there were msgs from him just saying that he doesn’t know what is going on with this kid and that he doesn’t want to look like an idiot and that he is sorry for going through my phone (which, I really do not care about, because I have nothing to hide) and that he is falling in love with me. So, I emailed him back just explaining the relationship taht I have with this kid right now, but also letting him know that he is my number one (next to me of course) but, if it would be easier for him to trust me then I won’t talk to this kid anymore. Not that I am letting him pick my friends, but this is a compromise, not one sided, and I really like what we have together, this kid is a friend, my boyfriend is holding my heart. Big difference…anyways…I’m listening if anyone has any advice. I just don’t know how to really deal with these feelings yet…there are so many of them and it is hard to sort through them. Mainly, I am just trying to deal with them in a healty manner.
P.S. Yesterday was 30 days since I have SIed! 🙂