If you guys aren’t aware, that’s a Snow Patrol song, “Open Your Eyes.” LOVE that song. I’ve been listening to it repeatedly. It speaks to me…
“I want so much to open your eyes, ’cause I need you to look into mine. Tell me that you’ll open eyes. Tell me that you’ll open your eyes. Tell me that you’ll open your eyes…”
Today was good and bad. I finally told my best friend that I’ve relapsed. She knew that I was injuring a couple months ago. Needless to say, she’s kind of upset with my mom because my mom hasn’t gotten me help when I’ve asked for it before. But I tried to explain to her that it’s not all my mom’s fault; my mom just doesn’t want to believe that her baby girl is doing this to herself. What parent would?!
It kills me inside to think of what I’m secretly doing to my mom, and that I’ve been doing it for years.
I’m just so tired. S o t i r e d…
I feel like people can see right through me. Like, I try not to make eye-contact with others, because I don’t want them to see what I’m really thinking. It’s a weird feeling: wanting to both yell the truth and hide it…all at once.
I never thought any of this would be so tough. I’m tired of struggling..and with MYSELF! I used to think that fighting with other people was hard…but it’s fighting yourself that’s the true battle.
I don’t care if I lose this battle…..I just want to win the war.
I hate hiding. I hate what I do. I hate it AND love it. What a horrible relationship, huh? Why am I so “addicted” to injuring….why?
Thank you all who have commented on my posts. I’m new, and have never had a support system of people just like me. It feels liberating, to be honest. I’m not alone. For once.
Thank you. From the deepest part of my heart.